Rage Against Suburban Zombie-ism
Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Carrie 2013
whatshername?

I saw this opening weekend, so this review may be a disappointing blur.  What you need to know is that this '13 Kimberly Peirce (not a typo, Boys Don't Cry writer/director) remake did not add anything to the 1976 Brian De Palma.  If anything, it minus-ed from the original.  :(

In fact, the scariest thing in the new Carrie, isn't Carrie and the power of her telekinesis, but Julianne Moore...sans fards.  

(I wonder if the makeup dept. had to apply actual makeup, without looking like it, on Moore's face in order to make herself look worse in the film OR did Moore just show up every morning to set, without brushing her hair, and say, "Let's roll!"??  Whatever the answer is, girl should lay off the ciggies!!!)

At times, Carrie '13 just seemed like a real bad episode of Degrassi without the snappy dialogue.  Real bad 'cause all the Abercrombie models (a.k.a. bullies) are flat, flat, FLAT.  Mid-way through the film, I was just soo sick of hearing about Carrie and the upcoming revenge that I just wanted to ffwd to the pig's blood...also a bit of a disappointment.

Chloe Grace, also a bit too model-y, did the best she could've considering the dull script.  What was slightly embarrassing was that each time she used her powers, Carrie looked like she was having an orgasm.  Luckily, the theatre was too dark for me to make eye contact with other movie-goers to see if they were thinking the same thing.

I'm not sure if this could've saved the dull script and flat characters, but what was really lacking was the score.  Sorry, the odd indie song is fine, but if you cannot afford the original, I will settle for a knock-off Pino Donaggio.

In short, stick to the original for real chills.  And if you're having a hard time finding that, the '02 tv movie would even suffice.

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posted by Stephania at 11:58 am
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