Rage Against Suburban Zombie-ism
Tuesday, April 09, 2013

13 Things You Should Know
About Evil Dead '13


13.  Contrary to the comments I read, NOT all the "scary parts" are shown in the trailer.

12.  You can put up your short on YouTube, get discovered by Sam Raimi, AND end up directing your first feature film!  True story.

11.  In addition to what is equivalent to winning the lottery, i.e. getting to direct the Evil Dead Remake, you can also be young, incredibly good looking, and Latin!  Another true story.

10.  I've never seen Lily Collins in anything or an entire episode of Suburgatory, for that matter, but Jane Levy was probably loads better for the main role. You sorta hafta get ugly for this part!

9.  Would you accompany your bf and his high school friends to a remote cabin where they were detoxing his sis from meth/other powdery illegal substance? HELL NO.

8.  As a registered nurse, is it even legal to perform DIY medical detox on a friend?

7.  I guess having a crazy mom sorta explains why you wouldn't flinch when you're cutting down all these dead, hanging cat carcasses from the rafters.

6.  Just because you open the necronomicon, or whatever that book is called that's sealed with barbwire and looks as though it's made out of crudely stitched, human flesh, AND you figure that the shit in there is actually coming true, doesn't mean that you're gonna be the one who survives. "Heros" die too.

5.  Dumb broads who do nothing but just stand there, not even pretty, do not necessarily die first.

4.  Getting stabbed a coupla dozen times with a syringe, a jagged piece of mirror, near the heart no less, then getting shot with a nail gun, containing those longass Jesus nails, will NOT kill you.

3.  This part was kinda fuzzy, but cutting off your zombie-infected hand/arm doesn't necessarily stop the zombification process!

2.  Instead of burning a bitch up, why would you choose live burial...for your sister??  Just throw some kerosene into that nasty, witchcrafted cellar, and call it a goddamn day!!!

1.  Why would the evil dead thing be 'gone' after you dig a bitch up?  Okay, why would you even dig her back up to begin with??  She is not your sister anymore.  She is possessed.  The flames on that tree are now burnt out and everything feels serene.  Get in your jeep and start making up that alibi!


posted by Stephania at 11:40 pm
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