Rage Against Suburban Zombie-ism
Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Someone Else's So-Called Life

Stopping off at an ATM, J&I spotted an oddly placed wastepaper basket, underneath the machine. Inside the trash were handwritten pages - which I immediately picked up.

(Yes, I put my hand in the trash and what?)

I recognised them as pages from a diary. Whereas J thought that it was someone's unwanted short story.

We took our found art into a nearby Szechuan restaurant for an upclose read. We found out that the writer was a female who had just turned 17 in '06. T, the writer was infactuated with B, her bf at the time. Here are some highlights:

"It wasn't always 'sunshine and lollipops'"

"He tried to touch my breasts but I shoved him away. Then I was ontop of him and we had dry sex. I was ok with that I guess. We were already quite a physical couple." <-- there was a lot of 'mounting' in the excerpt

"I led his hand to touch my breast, he led mine to touch his peanus. Although I was high, I had more control than the first time. And this time I wasn't fine with it. I even let him see my breast and kiss it. That was just too far. I felt really disgusted with myself and I regretted every bit of it."

"Next came when I lied to myself and thought I can accept his past. Turned out I couldn't when he told me he's been completely naked with someone before. WOW! It was such a shock I nearly cried and was shaking so hard....But when I got him to tell me all the details, I felt better, although now I was disgusted with him for fingering someone. YUCK! I honestly can't see the pleasure in fingering someone. I even tried fingering myself and felt nothing!"

"I found myself doing just crazy things like stocking him, finding out his schedule, the routes he takes to each class and going out of my way to meet him. But he was such a clueless person, he never seemed to notice me."

Anyway, I found this mysterious diary writer on Facebook and I messaged her to ask how her bf was doing. At first, she denied knowing anything about the diary; indirectly she calls me/the whole incident "creepy".

In a follow-up email, she said the following...

"Um okay. Yea....that was me.

There was a reason why I threw them out. That was several years ago when i was younger and definitely immature. I recently moved and found my old notebook.

It may have sounded like love then, but it doesn't seem so now. We grew apart and are with different people now.

The contents of those pages are very personal. I hope you stop reading (if you haven't finished) and throw them out.

Thank you."

Um, yeah. Like anyone would stop reading someone else's diary...once they started!!!


posted by Stephania at 12:18 am
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